Movies That Made Me Cry: Swing Vote

I was just watching a movie tonight, trying to enjoy myself.  Instead, I got lost in a spiral of negativity, self-doubt, and frustration.  In an attempt to work though it, I'm going to start posting on here when I feel this bad.  I don't really care that no one is going to see this, I just need to get it out.  But i do get the added bonus of pointing friends this direction if I want them to understand how I'm feeling, but don't really feel like, or know the right words, to share.

So America's one of the richest countries in the world, right? (I have no idea, I didn't do any fact checking for the movie..), why is it so many of us can barely afford living here?  Really, this is something I don't understand.  This movie really hit home for me b/c they characters were actually poor, not the fake kind of poor that many people are used to.  It's frustrating that many people only see two categories - homeless and doing okay.  I'm not homeless, my family is not homeless, but we have never been "doing okay".

Unless "doing okay" means having to forego school trips b/c you couldn't scrape up the $3 in change to pay your way in, or lying to friends about why they can't come over to your house, or eating beans for the last three days of the month until the food stamps replenish.

This is the reason I went to law school.  It's easy to forget this because I'm stuck in my own dark circle of poverty - but my only goal in life is to make things a bit easier for the working poor - the dads who have no shame b/c they care too much about their kids wellbeing, the moms who work in jobs where they are harassed, objectified, and underpaid, and the siblings who have to run their families or work instead of being kids.

There's only one major problem - I can't help other people if I can't even help myself.  Despite being a lawyer on paper, I have yet to find a way out of this circle.  So yeah, I cry sometimes.  I cry about dumb things, like the fact that I don't own a pair of jeans that don't have holes in them (and not the kind of holes that you pay for).  It seems selfish and stupid.  But underneath it all, I'm not crying about the jeans.  I'm crying because my family needed to get out of the rundown shithole they live in for the last 5 years, and i truly planned to help them do that by now.  They have done so much for me, all i want is to help them find a better place to live, one that isn't falling down around them.

It's easy to play the blame game.  It's everyone's fault.  It's my fault.  It's no one's fault.  It doesn't really matter whose fault it is - it still has to be fixed.  Raymond needs a job so that he can care for his baby on the way, and maybe feel enough pride in himself to not be drunk or on drugs all the time.  Robbie needs to live with my parents, and have an actual nurse come in to make sure that he's taking care of his legs.  And he needs someone to motivate him to make something of his life, and that he can do better than drugdealer.  Aaron needs a hug.  Actually, maybe it's me that needs a hug from Aaron.  He needs a private tutor, an understanding boss, and Jaden.  Daniel - I don't even know what to say.  He needs counseling for depression, and someone to keep reminding him (b/c i can't....) that college will help him get out of this cycle.  Someday.  I still believe that, but I find it too hard to be a motivator with this situational depression.  Fuck.  Wendy needs to see her options, and to stay away from boys.  And my parents need to stop feeling so helpless.  No one should have to feel this helpless.  ever.

I can't fix everyone's problems - even with all the money in the world.  But i could definitely take a stab at it.  If i could even solve one problem, it would be worth it.

If i could solve even one problem, I wouldn't be in this situation.  But i can't even do that.  It's really hard to figure out what I'm good for at all.  I have to stop being a drain on my family, and friends, and everyone I know...which is part of the reason I'm writing here.  I can't keep talking to people about this - it doesn't help, they like me a bit less everytime, and i just end up feeling more helpless - like I expect them to be able to save the world, and for a minute there's hope.... and everytime i hope, the fall is a little bit harder.

Anyway, i got really off topic.  When are people in this country going to start rioting over this?  Oh wait, they can't riot.  We're slaves to our low paying, high hours jobs.  Good job making us too tired at the end of the day to protest.