27 Reasons Unemployed People Like Birthdays

(or 27 reasons unemployed people should like birthdays, but still don't)

27. Presents
26. Surprises
25. Excuse to get ON your high horse
24. Good feelings that come from being honest when people ask you how old you are and you actually tell the truth (hey, good feelings are hard to come by!)
23. Instant Self-Esteem Boost: You can wear your burger king crown all day and not care when people laugh
22. The slight possibility of a "this is your life slideshow"
21. Excuse to not answer your phone when debt collectors call

20. Now you have some extra candles lying around for when the electricity gets turned off
19.  Craft Time:   I know you haven't been motivated to to craft lately - but who can resist the urge to preserve their birthday cupcake for all eternity...
18. Birthday's provide a whole host of new job search ideas - clown, party planner, balloon animal craftsman, caterer, and singing telegram deliverer.  
17. Maybe that video your Uncle Wally made can land you the big prize on 'America's Funniest Home Videos'.
16. Instant scapegoat. If anything bad happens today you can blame it on the fact that it was your birthday and not on yourself.
15.  You know your less of a snot than the kids on 'My Super Sweet 16', because you "chose" not to have a big party and waste a lot of money.  
14.  You get one birthday wish.  Don't waste it on something like the Led Zeppelin discography, instead wish for something practical like a new skill, extra confidence, or an end to this recession.
13. New Clothes! - well, if you can fashion them out of wrapping paper...
12. Wearing pajamas all day isn't considered lazy - it's your prerogative. 
11. Joy from knowing you share your day with exquisite famous people (for instance.. Pat Sajak and Hillary Clinton)
10.  Recycle:  all of those balloons, streamers, banners, and confetti can be reused in plenty of interesting ways.  (You can knock my balloon rain jacket all you want, but I'M gonna be the dry one next time it rains).
09.  Maybe the magician can make a money tree appear in your backyard.
08. Diet? What diet? There are TONS of restaurants that at least give you a free dessert on your birthday. Now you can spend the money you would have spent binging on food to make yourself feel better on a new video game!
07.  A reminder that you have lots of friends/family that love you and know what day it is (who cares that they also know every in and out of your business and normally make you want to pull your hair out)
06. Birthdays are a good reason to wake up in the morning...
05. The realization that another year has gone by serves as good motivation to make some "new year's" resolutions and stick to them. Like finding a job.
04. Excuse to be hungover at your job interviews
03. Excuse to take a day off from job searching
02. Parties/Drinking
01. FREE CAKE!

Breathe 4 Jobs

Anyone know how to get me in a video like this?

Website Wednesday is Lame

I'm not sure if you noticed, but there were EIGHT links in yesterday's post.  I'm a little obsessed with linking to anything and everything.  I considered not providing a link to a website for today, just to see if i could do it, but then i remembered...  There's nothing better than feeding an obsession!

Today's link comes from the wonderful world of Ehow.  I hope you're all familiar with this site, and it's friend Wikihow.  They have saved my life many times (like the time i needed to know how to make a bomb and that time I went on a mission to rid the world of unsightly deodorant stains).  Considering the wealth of information available on this site, you would think they would have some good job searching tips, right?   Wrong!  Ehow's How To Find the Perfect Job left me stunned - I followed their directions perfectly and still I am unemployed.  I was thinking of sending an email asking them to take this post down.  Maybe we can all get together and sue them for false advertising.  I'll be our lawyer!

I particularly loved this tip:  "Cruise the employee parking lots of potential employers. The theory is that if employees are driving decent cars, then the employers are paying decent wages".  Wow!  That's really helpful.  I definitely want to turn down jobs where employees are driving cars that look like mine... From now on i'm turning down any job that offers less than 75k!  (That's me ------->   being shocked by ugly cars - and having a normal color of hair!)

If anyone wants to attempt to follow's Ehow's suggestions, here's a good link to a career personality assessment.  I call this a good link because it's the first one I found that actually gave me lawyer as a result.  I'm sure as hell not willing to trust a career personality assessment that questions my dedication (i.e. 100k of student loan debt) to being an attorney!

I know I'm a little off topic - so get a job, do something, blah, yada yada yada.  That should be a good enough lessen for today.  Now for fun time! 



Even though Ehow let me down this time, I still think there is a ton of great stuff out there to keep the unemployed person busy for hours... maybe even days.  I can't wait to embark on this project:  Laptop Case.  Unfortunately, to do this I need a free (or cheap I guess) sewing machine.  I wouldn't mind if one just showed up on my doorstep tomorrow.  or the next day.  or even sometime next week would be fine.     



 Links in this post:  7

To-Do Tuesday: LEARN A NEW SPORT

As previously mentioned, unemployed people are easily depressed.  (Check out this quiz if you're concerned... Are You Suffering Unemployment Depression?).
Exercise is a great tool for dealing with depression.  Exercise increases your energy, self-esteem, distracts you, helps relieve stress, and a whole bunch of other things that are good for your mind and body.  So get up and go do something... well, not just anything... you can get the best bang for your buck by learning a new sport!  Sports can teach us a lot about working - especially extreme sports!

My suggestions:

• Free Running  - Not just awesome, but teaches you valuable skills that can help you to find a job.  It makes for great conversation during an interview, shows the interviewer that you can handle anything, are creative, and most importantly that you are active.  Leading research shows that people who appear "active" are more likely to be perceived as hard workers.  (Which means the converse - inactive people like me appear lazy to interviewers, must also be true.).  This sport will also probably make the interviewer scared of you - Big Plus!

• Jai Alai -  In the U.S., Jai Alai's achieved the most popularity in the gambling world.  Who wants to bet on greyhounds or horses when they can bet on a bunch of sweaty people playing a game that no one understands?  Employers love jai alai players because jai alai sounds really foreign.  No one wants to be accused of discriminating - so for all of you middle class suburban white kids out there... this is the sport for you!  (It's also helpful if your parents were thoughtful enough to give you a really eclectic sounding name even though you're really just average like the rest of us.). 
•  Korfball -  If you're into teamwork, Korfball is the sport for you.  While it's not played widely in the states, most corporate environments could really benefit from a team.  You can always tell an interviewer that you are great at teamwork, but it's better to show than tell.  So show them by playing Korfball!  Because an equal  number of males and females are required for this game, you'll also show that you can work well with the opposite gender (and that you are not going to have "problems" with the sexual harassment policy).  
• I don't suggest  Outhouse Racing, although i would if i could think of anything positive at all about it.
  

Play a new sport.... and get a new job.  Seems easy, right?
If you want some more fabulous interesting sport information, check out The 10 Stupidest Sports in Existence! and Weird Unusual Sports!

Woo-Hoo

Almost forgot to celebrate my one month anniversary!!!

In response to a comment, I want to reiterate that you don't need any wine to make faux-Starbucks drinks....
although you do need it for being unemployed.  That's why I have so much.

Welcome to Starbucks, what kind of overpriced coffee beverage would you like to order to jump start your employed day?

OMG!  Best website ever.  Unless you don't like anything coffee related.  In that case - worst website ever!

Great websites should be all about practicality.  Like this one.  You practically have to read this blog just to get yourself out of bed in the morning, right?  Anyway, so practically speaking, I have NO money to go to starbucks, zero, none, not even some change.  (Not that change would buy me anything at Starbucks anyway.)  Coffee isn't a luxury for only the employed, instead, for many it's a necessity of life.  How can one bear to read through the help wanted ads without a cup of something caffeinated and chocolate?  The one time I had some soda with chocolate, I died.  So coffee is the only option.  Personally, I"m a fan of Iced White Chocolate Mocha's... unless it's really cold, and then I get them smokin' hot.  So, what's your favorite Starbucks drink?  Please, do not respond if your answer has "skinny" in the name.

So, if you check out this website, you'll get a list of everything you need to make great coffee drinks at home.  If you are lazy, or can't read, or are Andy - here is a picture of the ingredients you need instead.

On the left we have the Mr. Coffee Espresso Machine (the one they mention on the website!), proudly mine for almost a year now.  Purchased from Wal-mart (whose website is temporarily unavailable or I would like to the product page in case you want to know all the specs of this nifty machine).  Please ignore all the wine in the background.  None of these recipes call for wine.   On the right we have everything you need to make a chocolatey yumness (minus the thermometer - which you only need if you can't tell the difference between hot and cold with your finger).  Again - ignore the wine.  If you can read the date on the Espresso - ignore that too.  (Does anyone know how long this stuff is good for?).


Seriously - who knew I had all the ingredients in my house right now.  This is amazing.  I might just go make a drink right now. Wait - Scratch that - I do need to sleep sometime.

But I do plan on trying some new variations in the future.  I bet I can make up a new drink that's better than anything Starbucks offers anyway.  I just have to use my imagination and actually get some use out of last year's Christmas present.  If anyone has already played the make up recipes game and has any do's or don'ts those would be appreciated too.  At this point i'm planning on avoiding this... it's not good for you.

Coffee Bean No Sugar Added Vanilla Powder.  Not cocaine.  Not worth anything.  You would probably have to pay people to take it from you.  The only thing this stuff is good for is lighting on fire.  If i get a chance, I'll take a picture of it burning for you, but I can't recreate the best part....  The smell of roasted marshmallows that hangs in the air for way too long after the NSA powder is gone, and the fog that kind of chokes you just from opening the bag.  Fun times.  Too bad I recently gave up marshmallows.  and deathly clouds of non-sugar fog.