Last minute Halloween Costumes

ok...so it's almost Halloween...or may already be depending on your time zone.  If you've been invited to a Halloween party and don't want to go because you don't have a costume or you just don't like dressing up in general, I have a costume idea for you.....

Your probably familiar with these stickers...

You've probably had to wear one at some dumb networking event or soiree of some sort... and you probably hate them.  Well not anymore...

Hello, My Name is Stickers are probably the best asset an unemployed person can  have come dress up time.... Consider these non-traditional costume ideas.








1.  Helllo... My Name is..... Slim Shady.   Did Marshall change anything about his look to become Eminem?  Did Eminem change anything to become Slim Shady?  I think not!  And neither should you.   Just don a "Hello, My Name is" sticker and write in "Slim Shady" and you'll be an instant hit!

2.  Hello... My Name is...   Inigo Montoya...(you killed my father, prepare to die).  Depending on your age you either think this is awesome, or completely overplayed.  Either way you're sure to be a riot in this sticker costume.

3.  Hello... My Name is... Jackson Pollock.   If you're too lazy to actually copy a Jackson Pollock masterpiece, you might as well just be the real thing this holiday season.  I promise.... you WILL be the only Jackson Pollock at your party.  Money back guarantee.

4.  Hello... My Name is...  Kate Bosworth... but only in Blue Crush.... .otherwise she's a skinny twig that no one likes....

5.  Hello... My Name is.... %$^&*## ...  that's right.  When anyone asks you about your costume, just string together a bunch of expletives and they'll get the picture. 





Basically, you can be anyone you want to be tonight.  Just write in their name on your sticker and have the time of your life!  If you do opt to stay home, remember to keep your porch light off to keep the kiddies away, if any dare to knock on your door for candy offer them a squirt of hand soap and a word of wisdom from your father... or mine, if yours never said anything interesting.

2 Days til Halloween.... Costumes for Unemployed People

If you're unemployed, you should have plenty of time over the next two days to perfect these costumes....  If you're unemployed and lazy, check out tomorrow's list for last minute costume ideas....

1.  Cardboard Box Optimus Prime - while this make take some time and effort, you could probably make it with stuff you have around your house.

2.  Stolen Toliet Paper Mummy - you wouldn't want to use any of your own toliet paper, you might need it later.  People will probably know that you stole the toliet paper b/c everyone knows you can't actually BUY one-ply that thin at the store.

3.  Adam & Eve - Great couples costume...or you could be both at the same time, but that might be weird.  Just go outside and find some leaves.

4.  Traffic Light - Red Hat, Yellow Shirt, Green Pants....check out your local salvation army or thrift store.

5.  Jackson Pollock Painting - surely you have a spare t-shirt lying around.  This could be the best costume of the season - if you're willing to copy a painting in painstaking detail that is.... 

6.  Lady Godiva - all you need is a wig.... unless you already have long hair.

7.  Your evil twin - this idea is even funnier if you actually have a twin.  All you need is a washable magic marker, or some mascara or eyeliner of your moms.

8.  Marky Mark - don't get this costume confused with dressing up as Mark Wahlberg, that would look totally different.  Everyone has jeans and a baseball cap lying around...and if you really want to you can draw on some abs.

Marky Mark isn't the only famous person that makes a quick and easy costume.  Check THIS out!  If i had to dress up to save someone's life - I think i'd go with the sexual harassment suit.

9.  The Michelin Man - Pillows and a blue scarf.  Probably the most comfortable costume you could come up with.

10.  A photograph - Dress up however you want and walk around with a picture frame.  Most dollar stores carry picture frames for $1.  Stealing is wrong - unless it's one-ply toliet paper.

To-Do and Website A Little Late...

My computer has been very very very broken.
It may still be.  I have sacrificed much to be able to bring you this very special post.....

HALLOWEEN is coming!!!!  and even unemployed people cannot hide.

Therefore, I am commanding you to embrace the wonderfulness that is halloween and have FUN!  I will not accept the excuse that you have no costume, there are plenty of cheap, easy, or cheap and easy halloween costume ideas out there on the internet.

Like "party in my pants"!  Seriously who wouldn't want to be a "party in my pants" for Halloween!!!!

Although this is my favorite, there are 12 other Halloween costumes that may get you fired, HERE.
Good thing we don't have to worry about that.  Btw, this link is probably not appropriate for children, or Mormons... or people who don't want to see someone dressed up like poop.

Ever since my friend told me about that website, I can't get enough.  If you're into cheap, check out these ideas, all made from household items.  CLICK HERE!

Come back later today, for a list of the best halloween costumes for the unemployed.  And tomorrow.  And I'll even give you a last minute list on Saturday - provided I can keep my computer working well enough. 

On a final note, I am not a hypocrite just because I don't plan on dressing up.  I'm just bad at Halloween.  If you don't believe me, check out these pics from the last few years.  Adios.

Ok fine, only one of those I actually went out in public in.  And one of them wasn't even on halloween.  But do you know which is which?

27 Reasons Unemployed People Like Birthdays

(or 27 reasons unemployed people should like birthdays, but still don't)

27. Presents
26. Surprises
25. Excuse to get ON your high horse
24. Good feelings that come from being honest when people ask you how old you are and you actually tell the truth (hey, good feelings are hard to come by!)
23. Instant Self-Esteem Boost: You can wear your burger king crown all day and not care when people laugh
22. The slight possibility of a "this is your life slideshow"
21. Excuse to not answer your phone when debt collectors call

20. Now you have some extra candles lying around for when the electricity gets turned off
19.  Craft Time:   I know you haven't been motivated to to craft lately - but who can resist the urge to preserve their birthday cupcake for all eternity...
18. Birthday's provide a whole host of new job search ideas - clown, party planner, balloon animal craftsman, caterer, and singing telegram deliverer.  
17. Maybe that video your Uncle Wally made can land you the big prize on 'America's Funniest Home Videos'.
16. Instant scapegoat. If anything bad happens today you can blame it on the fact that it was your birthday and not on yourself.
15.  You know your less of a snot than the kids on 'My Super Sweet 16', because you "chose" not to have a big party and waste a lot of money.  
14.  You get one birthday wish.  Don't waste it on something like the Led Zeppelin discography, instead wish for something practical like a new skill, extra confidence, or an end to this recession.
13. New Clothes! - well, if you can fashion them out of wrapping paper...
12. Wearing pajamas all day isn't considered lazy - it's your prerogative. 
11. Joy from knowing you share your day with exquisite famous people (for instance.. Pat Sajak and Hillary Clinton)
10.  Recycle:  all of those balloons, streamers, banners, and confetti can be reused in plenty of interesting ways.  (You can knock my balloon rain jacket all you want, but I'M gonna be the dry one next time it rains).
09.  Maybe the magician can make a money tree appear in your backyard.
08. Diet? What diet? There are TONS of restaurants that at least give you a free dessert on your birthday. Now you can spend the money you would have spent binging on food to make yourself feel better on a new video game!
07.  A reminder that you have lots of friends/family that love you and know what day it is (who cares that they also know every in and out of your business and normally make you want to pull your hair out)
06. Birthdays are a good reason to wake up in the morning...
05. The realization that another year has gone by serves as good motivation to make some "new year's" resolutions and stick to them. Like finding a job.
04. Excuse to be hungover at your job interviews
03. Excuse to take a day off from job searching
02. Parties/Drinking
01. FREE CAKE!

Breathe 4 Jobs

Anyone know how to get me in a video like this?

Website Wednesday is Lame

I'm not sure if you noticed, but there were EIGHT links in yesterday's post.  I'm a little obsessed with linking to anything and everything.  I considered not providing a link to a website for today, just to see if i could do it, but then i remembered...  There's nothing better than feeding an obsession!

Today's link comes from the wonderful world of Ehow.  I hope you're all familiar with this site, and it's friend Wikihow.  They have saved my life many times (like the time i needed to know how to make a bomb and that time I went on a mission to rid the world of unsightly deodorant stains).  Considering the wealth of information available on this site, you would think they would have some good job searching tips, right?   Wrong!  Ehow's How To Find the Perfect Job left me stunned - I followed their directions perfectly and still I am unemployed.  I was thinking of sending an email asking them to take this post down.  Maybe we can all get together and sue them for false advertising.  I'll be our lawyer!

I particularly loved this tip:  "Cruise the employee parking lots of potential employers. The theory is that if employees are driving decent cars, then the employers are paying decent wages".  Wow!  That's really helpful.  I definitely want to turn down jobs where employees are driving cars that look like mine... From now on i'm turning down any job that offers less than 75k!  (That's me ------->   being shocked by ugly cars - and having a normal color of hair!)

If anyone wants to attempt to follow's Ehow's suggestions, here's a good link to a career personality assessment.  I call this a good link because it's the first one I found that actually gave me lawyer as a result.  I'm sure as hell not willing to trust a career personality assessment that questions my dedication (i.e. 100k of student loan debt) to being an attorney!

I know I'm a little off topic - so get a job, do something, blah, yada yada yada.  That should be a good enough lessen for today.  Now for fun time! 



Even though Ehow let me down this time, I still think there is a ton of great stuff out there to keep the unemployed person busy for hours... maybe even days.  I can't wait to embark on this project:  Laptop Case.  Unfortunately, to do this I need a free (or cheap I guess) sewing machine.  I wouldn't mind if one just showed up on my doorstep tomorrow.  or the next day.  or even sometime next week would be fine.     



 Links in this post:  7

To-Do Tuesday: LEARN A NEW SPORT

As previously mentioned, unemployed people are easily depressed.  (Check out this quiz if you're concerned... Are You Suffering Unemployment Depression?).
Exercise is a great tool for dealing with depression.  Exercise increases your energy, self-esteem, distracts you, helps relieve stress, and a whole bunch of other things that are good for your mind and body.  So get up and go do something... well, not just anything... you can get the best bang for your buck by learning a new sport!  Sports can teach us a lot about working - especially extreme sports!

My suggestions:

• Free Running  - Not just awesome, but teaches you valuable skills that can help you to find a job.  It makes for great conversation during an interview, shows the interviewer that you can handle anything, are creative, and most importantly that you are active.  Leading research shows that people who appear "active" are more likely to be perceived as hard workers.  (Which means the converse - inactive people like me appear lazy to interviewers, must also be true.).  This sport will also probably make the interviewer scared of you - Big Plus!

• Jai Alai -  In the U.S., Jai Alai's achieved the most popularity in the gambling world.  Who wants to bet on greyhounds or horses when they can bet on a bunch of sweaty people playing a game that no one understands?  Employers love jai alai players because jai alai sounds really foreign.  No one wants to be accused of discriminating - so for all of you middle class suburban white kids out there... this is the sport for you!  (It's also helpful if your parents were thoughtful enough to give you a really eclectic sounding name even though you're really just average like the rest of us.). 
•  Korfball -  If you're into teamwork, Korfball is the sport for you.  While it's not played widely in the states, most corporate environments could really benefit from a team.  You can always tell an interviewer that you are great at teamwork, but it's better to show than tell.  So show them by playing Korfball!  Because an equal  number of males and females are required for this game, you'll also show that you can work well with the opposite gender (and that you are not going to have "problems" with the sexual harassment policy).  
• I don't suggest  Outhouse Racing, although i would if i could think of anything positive at all about it.
  

Play a new sport.... and get a new job.  Seems easy, right?
If you want some more fabulous interesting sport information, check out The 10 Stupidest Sports in Existence! and Weird Unusual Sports!

Woo-Hoo

Almost forgot to celebrate my one month anniversary!!!

In response to a comment, I want to reiterate that you don't need any wine to make faux-Starbucks drinks....
although you do need it for being unemployed.  That's why I have so much.

Welcome to Starbucks, what kind of overpriced coffee beverage would you like to order to jump start your employed day?

OMG!  Best website ever.  Unless you don't like anything coffee related.  In that case - worst website ever!

Great websites should be all about practicality.  Like this one.  You practically have to read this blog just to get yourself out of bed in the morning, right?  Anyway, so practically speaking, I have NO money to go to starbucks, zero, none, not even some change.  (Not that change would buy me anything at Starbucks anyway.)  Coffee isn't a luxury for only the employed, instead, for many it's a necessity of life.  How can one bear to read through the help wanted ads without a cup of something caffeinated and chocolate?  The one time I had some soda with chocolate, I died.  So coffee is the only option.  Personally, I"m a fan of Iced White Chocolate Mocha's... unless it's really cold, and then I get them smokin' hot.  So, what's your favorite Starbucks drink?  Please, do not respond if your answer has "skinny" in the name.

So, if you check out this website, you'll get a list of everything you need to make great coffee drinks at home.  If you are lazy, or can't read, or are Andy - here is a picture of the ingredients you need instead.

On the left we have the Mr. Coffee Espresso Machine (the one they mention on the website!), proudly mine for almost a year now.  Purchased from Wal-mart (whose website is temporarily unavailable or I would like to the product page in case you want to know all the specs of this nifty machine).  Please ignore all the wine in the background.  None of these recipes call for wine.   On the right we have everything you need to make a chocolatey yumness (minus the thermometer - which you only need if you can't tell the difference between hot and cold with your finger).  Again - ignore the wine.  If you can read the date on the Espresso - ignore that too.  (Does anyone know how long this stuff is good for?).


Seriously - who knew I had all the ingredients in my house right now.  This is amazing.  I might just go make a drink right now. Wait - Scratch that - I do need to sleep sometime.

But I do plan on trying some new variations in the future.  I bet I can make up a new drink that's better than anything Starbucks offers anyway.  I just have to use my imagination and actually get some use out of last year's Christmas present.  If anyone has already played the make up recipes game and has any do's or don'ts those would be appreciated too.  At this point i'm planning on avoiding this... it's not good for you.

Coffee Bean No Sugar Added Vanilla Powder.  Not cocaine.  Not worth anything.  You would probably have to pay people to take it from you.  The only thing this stuff is good for is lighting on fire.  If i get a chance, I'll take a picture of it burning for you, but I can't recreate the best part....  The smell of roasted marshmallows that hangs in the air for way too long after the NSA powder is gone, and the fog that kind of chokes you just from opening the bag.  Fun times.  Too bad I recently gave up marshmallows.  and deathly clouds of non-sugar fog.

To-Do Tuesday - Get a tattoo!

Traditional paths have not been working for me.  I am not motivated.  I don't really want to do anything, so I figured for this week I would change things up a bit.

 I just spent approximately 4 hours watching my roommate get her first tattoo.  While watching/giving her moral support, I was surprised to find that I actually felt motivated and positive about life.  Frankly, this has been a rare feeling for me lately and I desperately need motivation.  Since discovering that I can get an adrenaline rush without even being the one getting the tattoo, i need all of you to get tattoos!  (It would probably work even better if you take me with you!).  Remember - the tattooing will motivate you, too, this isn't ALL about me:-)

Obviously, I can't be the one getting the tattoo right now (no money, not very professional for job hunting, etc.).  But i'm definitely willing in the future - I just need to engage in some serious soul searching to find a design that I know I will be okay with when i'm 60.  There is one design that I really want to get... I came up with the idea in a dream.... but I have to force my dad to give me some personal information that he refuses to divulge first.  I may have to wait on that tattoo for a long while - my dad is extremely stubborn (and he probably wouldn't approve of me getting the tattoo either, so don't tell him that's why I need the information)!

Since I'm not planning on getting a tattoo today, I'll post an update on last week's To-Do for you later today.  Who knows - maybe I'll even come up with some brilliant pictures to go along with it.  You'll just have to wait and see.

Tattoos by Lexy

How being unemployed saves me money...

A friend recently pointed out to me that I have been giving unfair, and truly unneeded, attention to the negative impacts of unemployed.  My friend is right - there are plenty of near constant reminders of the perils of unemployment, so today, I'm going to talk about some positives... specifically HOW BEING UNEMPLOYED SAVES ME MONEY!!!

Everyone likes to save money. Everyone unemployed likes to save money.  Wait, that might not be true either.  Maybe - Some unemployed people like to save money (others like to spend it by maxing out all of their store credit cards with unneeded purses and sandals).

Which are nothing at all like this purse and these sandals.... 

Here are some unique ways being unemployed has saved me money...

• Back when I had a job was still in school and living largely off student loans (that I now can't repay), I used to do about one load of laundry per week.  Now I do about one load of laundry every THREE weeks.  It's easy - I wear pajama's virtually ALL the time.  Sometimes I'm lucky if I can even fill up the washer every third week.  At my local Albertson's, a 32 load bottle of All Small and Mighty (Free and Clear) is $6.49 (plus tax, but we'll ignore that).  That's approximately 20.3 cents a load!  So, by changing from a load a week to a load every three weeks, I have saved 13.53 cents a week!  That's an overwhelmingly large 1.93 cents a day!  (Indeed overwhelming when you realize that's $7.04 a year!)
• In case you wanted to know, I also save even more money on electricity and water when I cut back on laundry.  To wash and dry a full load of laundry in cold water it costs 43 cents on my electric bill. (So i save $14.91 a year!!)   Check out THIS website to see how much money you can save!
• LAUNDRY SAVINGS TOTAL/YEAR:  $21.95
  
• Further, since I'm always in pajama's and rarely leave my house, I don't need to shower nearly as often as someone in the "working class".  If i were working full time, I would be showering an absolute minimum of 5 times per week.  Lately, my weekly maximum has been 3.  A fifteen minute WARM shower costs 57 cents a day (water and electric).  (Check out Shower Calculator.)  So, I'm saving $1.14 a week by cutting out two showers.  Go me!  Save the environment, conserve water, STOP SHOWERING!  It's the GREEN thing to do!
  
• SHOWER SAVINGS TOTAL/YEAR:  $59.28   
•  GAS!  Guess what!  I don't drive to work everyday.  I never drive anywhere near downtown L.A. at any time near rush hour.  In reality, I drive so little I may have started to forget how.  I don't know how much money this saves me, it depends on how far I would be driving to work.  But I know that it's a lot.  It also saves tons of traffic jam frustration and gives me lots of time to spend on my hobbies.
• Even though I'm not saving any money on cable, internet, or rent while being unemployed, I feel like I'm getting a better value.  I use the cable and internet far more everyday than I would if I were working, and I'm actually at my apartment most all of the time.  If you calculate the cost of these items per hour of use, I'm getting a much better value on my investments than those employed people out there.  Suckers!
• Another way I save money - not having any to spend.  You'd be surprised how much money you spend purely because you have it available.  I used to buy random unneeded clothes all the time.  Or something as simple as a new toothbruth a few weeks earlier than I actually needed one.  When you have no money, you don't spend any unnecessarily.  I haven't bought an article of clothing since March!!  I didn't even buy THIS like a good band wagoner would have (even though I really really wanted it!)

I'm sure there are countless other ways that I'm saving money, but right now I would rather think about what I'm going to do with all of this money I'm saving.... I sense a shopping spree coming on!

Highlight of My Day

Finding myself on google!!!!!!!!

Sorry for the lack of posts/interestingness lately.  I haven't really been in the mood.  Unemployment is a good spawn for depression.

Website Wednesday!

 PEOPLE OF WAL-MART

BEST IDEA EVER...
What do you do when you're unemployed and can't afford cable? (or maybe you can't even afford a television, but that's doubtful.  Personally, I would give up eating on Tuesday's in order to afford a TV if i didn't have one.)

That's right... go to Wal-mart, tell the salesperson you need the remote (act like you're checking out a TV to buy if you have to), go find a chair (who cares if it's in a different department, move it!  You're creating jobs - maybe even creating one for yourself!) and start watching!

Unfortunately, TV watching at Wal-mart is the only good idea that I found on People of Walmart.

To-Do Tuesday: FIND A JOB

I know, I know, I'm usually not this serious.  But after having mac and cheese and cheerios for the dinner last night, I've decided that enough is enough.  I have got to find some sort of income producing activity.  Friends have offered me countless suggestions, like...

• "I heard you can make $1000 a month by writing a blog and updating it everyday!" - yeah, I'm sure that's true, if you write about something useful and you cater to blog readers who have money.  Unfortunately, I do neither.
• "I heard the local fast food restaurant is hiring." - Frankly, I just don't have the energy to go fight with all those laid off executives for a minimum wage job.  And I think it's morally wrong to lie and say you have less education/experience than you do.  Although I'm completely fine with lying and claiming you have more experience.  I've heard that can get you in trouble and fired after you get the job - but hey, I'd be happy just getting an interview.  I'm perfectly willing to take the chance of getting fired two weeks in.
• "Have you heard about that chain letter thingy where you give people underwear and you get like 100 pairs in the mail within a month?"  (If not, see here) - Yeah, I HAVE heard about this.  Honestly, I don't need anymore panties right now, and the local thrift store doesn't really give you much money for trading in random pairs of underwear.... not sure how you think this suggestion is going to help me.

I've finally decided that there is no scheme that will help me, so secret that will pay all of my bills, and no legitimate online work opportunities (if you're interested, I can point you to several illegitimate ones).  I have no choice but to actually do something this Tuesday.  I sincerely hope that you will follow my lead, put in some extra hard work, and continue reading my blog even after you get a job.  Here are my top suggestions for finding a job and my relative goals for today in each area....

• Network with Alumni - Get a list of alumni that live in your area (and work in your field!).  Now, here's the important part... getting the list is not good enough!  Getting the list will do nothing for you!  I have had the list for a year.  I have read it at least three times.  Nothing has happened!  Actually contact people from the list.  Email is probably best.  If email isn't provided, a letter will have to do.  Make the letter/email professional, but also personal.  Refuse to let them ignore you - even if you are the most boring person on earth, you cannot let them know that.  This is a big problem for me.  I'm all too willing to admit that I have no experience and there are tons of people better than me.  BIG MISTAKE!  

• My goal:  Send out 5 letters/emails.  Beg.
•  Contact People Doing the Job you Want - Offer to volunteer, intern, anything to get them to notice you.  For me this is essential, why not work for free for a criminal law attorney so i can learn how to do it on my own, then open my own practice and do their job better than they ever did and steal all their clients.  I'm sure it won't take more than like a day before I believe that I can do their job better than they can - I need to just go for it!
• My goal:  Contact five attorneys in Ventura/LA County that work in Criminal Law.   Ingratiate myself.
  
•  Expand your search geographically - For me this is hard, b/c driving might kill me, but it's necessary.  I'd rather be working and barely making ends meet b/c i have to stay in a hotel and use a lot of gas.  At least I'm getting some experience.  
• My goal:  Look for government jobs and craigslist stuff for all counties within 4 hours of my house.  Apply for any appropriate jobs that I find.

Hard work is bound to pay off.  No one gets something for nothing.  I really need to start taking my Dad's suggestions more seriously...
"The rich man started on Friday, the poor man waited until Monday." - Rachael's Dad
Ponder that.

Free Food

Being unemployed has made me extremely tired and extremely busy this week... so i had to get my underemployed, idea-riddled friend to write his first (and hopefully not last) guest post.  So, without further ado....HERE'S ANDY!

------------------------------

If you’re anything like me you like television. And if you’re a LOT like me, you even like the commercials. I should also be able to assume that if you’re reading this blog you are no more than marginally employed, and therefore agree with everything listed here, especially the part about free food (free things in general really). 

Almost a month ago now I saw those commercials for TGIFridays starring Woody. For those of you who don’t know about this promotion (I’m talking to you people with DVR who fast forward through commercials), here is a brief explanation: Woody is a guy who made a bet with TGIFridays that he could get 500,000 fans on Facebook by September 30. He actually had that many by September 15, and has well over a million now. Because Woody won the bet, TGIFridays agreed to give a coupon for a free Jack Daniels Burger (or Chicken Sandwich) to every one of his fans. So I have been waiting for almost a month now to collect my prize…which I found in my spam filter this afternoon.

After coming down from the natural high of earning a free burger coupon valued at up to $9.49, I knew I just had to find more good deals online. So I give you, the top five best free food offers online*:

5) Dairy Queen – Join the Blizzard fan club and receive a coupon for buy one get one blizzards. Some people would tell you to get a friend to buy one and then mooch the second one, but I love blizzards so much I recommend eating them both yourself. That way you can try the blizzard of the month (pumpkin pie) and also get one of your favorite classics.

4) Qdoba – Join their eclub and receive a voucher for free Chips and Salsa.

3) Hardee's / Carl's Jr – This coupon is to promote the Hardee’s (or Carl’s Jr for you folks in Western States) ‘Get What You Deserve Campaign.’ The coupon is actually only for a free small fry to go along with your Big Hardee/Big Carl, but considering how cheap the burger itself is, it’s still a good deal. Also, from what I hear they change the offer every month or so, so you can keep checking back to see what else is available.

2) Red Robin Birthday eClub – There doesn’t look like a catch here. You just sign up with your birthday and get a burger coupon. Of course, there is an advantage for those who have a birthday coming up (you know who you are).

1) Quiznos – If you sign up for the Quiznos mailing list you can get a free Sammie. But the great thing about this is that you also get a free cookie on your birthday. So it’s two fun deals in one.

*This list is in no way an endorsement of these products. I’m writing only as a free food fan.