Website Wednesday: STFU Employed People

Today's website of choice is STFU, Parents.  It has a friend, STFU, Believers, but I'm much less entertained by that one.  So much so, in fact, that I'm not going to link to it.  If you want to visit the site that bad I'm going to force you to do the extra work of typing in the word "believers" in place of the word "parents" in the provided link.  So there!

So how is this link related to unemployment?  Technically, I find that any website not related to finding a job is correlated to me not having a job.  Correlation does not equal causation.  For instance, the fact that I look like this

 is correlated with the fact that I am unemployed, but i'm pretty sure the
florescence of my hair has not CAUSED me to be unemployed.



This post has gotten a bit of topic, if this blog were meant to be self-indulgent, I would  have at least posted a pic like the one at right, and made is significantly larger than the previous one, just to point out the fact that while I look like a moron, at least I still have pretty eyes (and have been told so in the middle of a job interview...and still didn't get the job)!  But of course I would never engage in any self-indulgent behavior like that.






Back to Business.  I bring to you, my very own creation.  I'm sure you can tell how much creativity was actually involved after viewing the Website Wednesday Link...

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STFU, Employed People

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Every single time I log on to facebook, I'm bombarded with posts from my so-called friends (and people I have never even seen or talked to who randomly add me as friends) about their jobs.  I'm sick and tired of them throwing their employment status in my face.  Like I don't have enough to deal with already.  Then they have the audacity to share all of their work related "problems", and believe me Employed People have a lot of problems... for instance

FARKLE!!!!

How can one be on facebook 7.8 hours in an 8 hour workday?  I just don't buy it.  I'm sure J spends more than .2 hours goofing off with co-workers and reapplying lipstick in the bathroom.  You need to get your facts straight, C!

  

Oh, wait... going back to work isn't a problem.  My bad!

At least some people can handle these types of issues without having to get their employers involved....

I don't know if J can handle C being offline for half the day.  He might spontaneously combust.

Never fear.... the unemployed people are still here! 

Seriously C, who needs a job when you have best friends and food stamps.  Jobs are so last year.  and even more the year before that.


For those people who are interested in indulging me, I'll post a picture of what my hair looks like now tomorrow.

To-Do Tuesday: Motivate Me

Easy.  Fun for the whole family.
In order to stay motivated, create a goal of something you want badly.  Then find/make a picture to represent this goal.  Hang it up somewhere you can see it everyday - like the fridge.  Or better yet - create multiple goals and hang them in places that will motivate you. 

If your goal is to brush your teeth everyday, print this out and hang it on your bathroom mirror.  Who could resist brushing their teeth when they see this little guy?


 I hoping to create more career oriented goals, but I'm having a lot of trouble creating an image to represent my goal:

  Maybe I can just use my calendar - once i get it made.  A calendar full of things to do isn't very inspiring - unless it's printed on colored paper!

Check out Calendars That Work for free calendar templates.  You can even have them emailed to you shortly before the beginning of each month.

 I just have one small problem with this new goal of mine... It kind of contradicts the three day job searching week.  I'm going to have to deliberate on that and figure out what to do.  Maybe I'll just black out Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday on the calendar before filling it in.

Have a good To-Do Tuesday - and seriously DO SOMETHING!  Here's a pic of my guitar paper doll from my inspiration board a couple of weeks back.  Just wanted to prove that I actually do switch out the guitars from time to time.

You Know You Haven't Hit Rock Bottom When....

I'm unemployed

But at least I can afford to buy my own cigarettes, Amy.

The Man In a Van Project

Put your belts on - This post is serious!
I found out about The Man In a Van Project when walking near Hollywood and Vine, doing the usual LA tourist things with friends who came into town.  At the time, I thought what Aaron is doing was pretty cool, but since then I've been keeping up with his blog and have gotten teary-eyed from some of the recession stories.
My friends and I all wrote our stories on the scroll, and paused to read some of the stories already written. 

I'm jealous.  I wish I didn't have so many entanglements (car payment, credit card debt, etc.).  It seems that all they do is drag me down.  I want to help people.  I'm willing to help people for free - but it seems that even volunteer work is competitive here. 

Crime is rising, Homelessness is rising, more people are unemployed... I have a skill.  I am more than willing to provide legal services to these people in need.  Why can't I find a way to do that?  Why does my story have to be..."I'm a lawyer, with 100k of student loan debt, I'm trying to do better than my parents did, but I can't survive without food stamps."

If it strikes you and you can afford it, support The Man in a Van Project - Buy a T-shirt.  I don't know this guy, but I do know that I'm a better person for reading the stories he's collecting and I want to do anything I can to allow him to continue his project  - even if giving him some unsolicited advertisement, that he will probably never know about, is all i can do.

Part III - Stuff Unemployed People Dislike

STUFF UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE DISLIKE (The Finale)

 03. Buying Condoms

With all that free time, unemployed people are probably having a lot of sex - right?  So, one would think that smart, responsible, unemployed folk out there would also be spending a lot off their hard earned babysitting or plasma-donating money on condoms - right?  WRONG! 
First, I'm unemployed, and honestly, I have never purchased any condoms during my unemployment... (which does not necessarily imply that I haven't visited CondomUSA using the name and address of every friend and family member I can think of).
Second, abortion rates have gone up (See  Is the Recession Causing More Abortions?).  Now I know this site "claims" that rates have gone up because women can't afford to raise children, but I humbly disagree. It's really because condoms are so damn expensive - and no unemployed person wants to waste money on something so overplayed.  I mean seriously - been there, done that, too embarrassed to wear the t-shirt.

Next time you see an unemployed person buying condoms at the local drug store - snap a picture and send it over.  Pics or it didn't happen!

 

02.  High School Reunions (and their cousin "People Asking What You Do For A Living)


 I still have one year, 8 months until my 10 year high school reunion and about once a week I wake up in a cold sweat.  My nightmares frequently involve being asked by the head cheerleader what my current job is and replying that I'm still living with my parents, am an attorney, and haven't been able to get a job in 3 years.  Then she pulls out her card and offers me a job as her nanny/receptionist/dog walker, etc.  
In another dream, I get an award for having changed the least.  Literally, I'm wearing an outfit I wore in high school, am covered in teenage acne, and am talking to much, too fast, in hopes of getting people to like me.   
And to think I once thought poorly of the kids who didn't go to college, and started working at local companies right out of school.  Now they've worked their way up the ladder, and i'm jealous of their health insurance, yearly vacations, and job security.     
There's only one thing worse than going to your 10 year high school reunion unemployed - and that's going unemployed and single.  I swear, I will pay someone to go as my date and lie their ass off about how we're waiting to get married until we can afford a house.  






01.  Kanye West

Unemployed people don't want to be left out just because they don't have jobs.  Jobless people can hate Kanye West, too.  It's the cool thing to do.  For once, I'm in the in-crowd!


BONUS!!
Something unemployed people do like  PINKBERRY!  Notice the smiles?  It's indisputable proof - believe me, I know all about indisputable proof, I am an attorney after all! 

 

Don't be sad, Get Glad!

I know you're probably mad at me.  I know you can't live without website Wednesday.  And I promise, I had a good website ready for you this week, alas, sloth got in the way.  As the job searching week is three whole days, one gets tired, and needs a break...
And how could any unemployed person resist Finding Britney?


As you can see, I didn't find her, but I did waste my entire day looking.  Well, I almost found her, but someone else found her first.  And it wasn't really finding her.  It was more like running into traffic without regard for your own personal safety to find a clown.  Next time when people start screaming and running, I won't continue walking in the opposite direction.

Moral:  You should only waste an entire day of the job searching week searching for an artist you actually like.

To-Do Tuesday - Literally

Today's To Do is none other than MAKE A TO-DO LIST!
 This isn't new to me at all, I made at least 4 to-do lists every week.  A lot of times, I end up copying tasks from one to-do list to another, and never actually getting them done.  This week, I'm going to try and make a to-do list that I can actually follow.

My biggest obstacle is that I don't know what to put on the list.  I don't really know what tasks I should be doing to help me with my job search.

If you like online to-do lists, check out Ta-Da List!  Otherwise, get out your handy dandy notebook and get started.   

Rachael's Unemployment To-Do List
1.  Find attorney jobs that require no experience and apply for them.
2.  Peruse random personal ads on craigslist to waste time. 
3.  Forget to look at job ads on Craigslist.
4.  Remember that forgot to look at jobs.
5.  Go back to Craigslist, look at jobs, do NOT look at personal ads
6.  Do not get on facebook while looking for jobs.
7.  Do not eat while looking for jobs, as it makes keyboard sticky.
8.  REPEAT

Okay, so i know my list sucks, I'm trying to make it better.  I would really appreciate any and all suggestions for actual to-do list items.   Preferably ones that don't involve craigslist.

Top Ten Things Unemployed People Dislike - Part Deux

STUFF UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE DISLIKE (Part Deux)

 06. "We're Hiring" Signs at Fast Food Restaurants

 I refuse to fight with teenagers for a job flipping burgers - unless it's to go undercover to get info for a lawsuit against a fast food chain.
I refuse to lie about my college degrees - unless I really need money to buy a Wii.
I refuse to acknowledge that the economy is getting better.  Fast food restaurant jobs should not be included in the stats. 
But mostly - I hate fast food "we're hiring" signs for making me feel guilty for not working.

05.  Ivy League Graduates
 I am a tolerant person.  I understand that it is difficult for you to escape your own privilege.  But please, please, understand that going to an Ivy League school does not actually make you good at anything - well except for making you feel entitled.  At least there are some ivy league grads out there who know there rightful place in the world....here's the profile of a real Ivy League Graduate...

I am a week shy of my 25th birthday, and I am back living in my parents' home. I have a degree from Harvard... Only too late have I realized that one has to get good at something (besides passing tests) to be able to make a living... I've also been so sheltered that I can't give directions to my own home... Since I've dropped out of graduate school I've made some attempts to get a job, but not wholeheartedly. I was fired from a fast-food job a couple of months ago...

Almost makes you feel sorry for them, doesn't it...  But that's because you haven't seen how this guy is dressed while he's wallowing in his own Ivy League sorrow.

If feeling entitled to all of our money, job recommendations, actual jobs, and promotions at jobs isn't enough, ivy league grads add insult to injury by opining on fashion!  Ivy League Fashion is where I draw the line.  Someone has got to step in and let those high rollers know that enough is enough.  We will not take this anymore!

For all the details on the latest trends in "Douche" check out Douche In for Fall/Winter 2009.

Finally, while statistics show that ivy league graduates make the highest salaries after graduation, apparently schools like Princeton just can't bear the thought of their grads having to make loan payments like the rest of us.  Princeton's "no-loan policy" guarantees that grads will have plenty of money for a down payment on the Fisker Karma Sunset and never have any reason to engage in public service for loan forgiveness.  Geez, those Princies are really missing out on trying to find a good loan consolidation in this market.  I'm so lucky to have nearly 100K in student loan debt and no job.  

I was going to talk about Ivy League Dating Sites, but the topic made me puke in my mouth - more than just a little bit. 

It seems that there's enough to dislike about ivy league graduates to make an entire website..

04. Unprofessionalism

 I don't have a job.  I am constantly held to ridiculous standards.  If there is one typo in your cover letter or resume, you have no shot.  If they don't think the earrings you where to the interview are appropriate, you're out of the running.  If you don't respond to the email within 15 minutes of it being sent, they've already hired someone else.  From thank you notes, to resume paper, to not wearing perfume as your interviewer may be "sensitive" - unemployed people are expected to be the epitome of professional.  

What do i get in return?  Employers promise to call, they even go so far as giving you a specific time they will call, and say they will call regardless of their decision.  Then they NEVER call.  I already have a confidence problem due to 1341 rejections, so I'm not going to take time out of my job searching day to call them to find out that they did not chose to hire me for some reason or another.  Hmm.. maybe they only give jobs to people who call.....

Or how about when you return a call, get voicemail, leave a message, and then never hear from them ever again...

Or when they send you emails with 7 spelling errors, sentence fragments, and missing information

And then they email you a retraction five minutes later, saying the job offer was actually for a different candidate.  Sorry for the confusion.

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You may have assumed I can't count.  Or that I thought that I posted number 7 on part one.  You may have even thought that something went wrong on the internet and number 7 got mysteriously deleted.  A few of you may have even went so far as to think that I was abducted by aliens and the number 7 was erased from my memory and now when I'm choreographing dances I start with "5...6...8...9".

Well you'd be wrong.  First of all, I can't dance at all, let alone choreograph anything!  Second, while the non-encrypted wireless network I'm "borrowing" right now IS sketchy, I rarely lose anything.  Finally,  I'd just like you to know that unemployed people (LIKE ME) harbor an extreme dislike for the number 7.  Seven is the number of days in every week that tick by with no job offers, Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People did not improve my life, one of the seven deadly sins - gluttony - has ruined my life. 

Seven is NOT a lucky number. Therefore, there is no number 7 on this countdown.

REMINDER

Since it's Thursday, the last day of the job searching week, I just wanted to remind all the busy job searchers out there....

Okay, so this reminder is mostly for me. 

Website Wednesday

I encourage you all to check out my new favorite website Stuff Unemployed People Like.  Like it's cousin Stuff White People Like, this site will having you falling off your chair in laughter...  Or if you're like me, it might make you cry, some of this stuff just hits a little too close to home...


As I'm a Google Aficionado (and addict), I obviously felt the need to look up Stuff Unemployed People Dislike - I was shocked to find that this list does not exist ANYWHERE.   If the typical unemployed person is anything like me, there are tons of things I dislike... maybe even more than I like.  Since I cannot stand to leave this important area of knowledge unexpressed, I bring to you

STUFF UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE DISLIKE (Part One)

10.  Inefficiency
 Whether I'm at the emergency room, Best Buy, or the Social Service Office, I constantly want to pull my hair out due to the laziness and inefficiency of virtually all people I come in contact with.  In reality, I bet these people are all doing there jobs just fine, but being unemployed I can't help but think...

 9.  Networking
First, who has time to look for a job when there's Linked In, Twitter, Facebook, and about 73 other social networking sites to keep up with.  Second, I'm pretty sure none of these sites are doing anything at all to help me in my job search.  I get more job leads by purusing Craigslist everyday (well when I can pry myself away from the personal ad section...)  

After reading some tips on business cards, courtesy of Ernie the Attorney, I designed a mega-unprofessional looking business card in hopes of giving this card out to my "networking buddies" and hopefully getting some work.  What has this gotten me?  I guess I can't blame the cards, since I still have all of them... minus the one i put in the drawing for free lunch at Qdoba...

My attempts at in-person networking have turned out just as bad - so far I've met a crazy lady who claimed to be an attorney that graduated from law school 10 years ago and has never practiced law, 12 people in my exact same position, and one kindly older man hoping to get my help in the unauthorized practice of law.  Frankly, I prefer the homeless man and the people in line for food stamps as company... and I bet they're more likely to have job leads for me.

Hence the reason I hate networking - The only people who think it works already have jobs.



 8.  Security Encrypted Wireless Networks
I think this one is self-explanatory.  I don't know how many times I've frantically tried to find internet signal just for a moment to send my resume to some vague job description off Craigslist... 


Don't forget to check back in the next couple of days for Parts Two and Three of the countdown!!!

My Inspiration Board Has Not Inspired Me...Yet

First, I started my making a paper doll. Well not your standard paper doll, an INSPIRATIONAL PAPER DOLL. Since i want to learn to actually play the guitar, and i always mean to get around to working on it, I thought looking at Taylor Swift and changing around the guitar that she used on a bi-weekly basis might be just the thing to kick my butt in gear and get me off the couch and working on my guitar. We shall see...

This section of my inspiration board focuses on my future goals and dreams, with a poignant reminders of how difficult it is to escape your past.

Eminem reminds me to wake up everyday, embrace my past, and become a stronger, more successful person because of it.

Ashton reminds me... well of just how much I want to date Ashton. Now THAT's something to strive for!

Also included are some surfboards, cool as hell eye make-up, and some all over body tattoo's. Make of this what you will.

This last section is about what I want to be when i grow up: a PRINCESS!

There are also some serious parts thrown in, like that I'd like to run for office someday, I believe business owners should be able to decide whether they allow smoking in their establishment or not, and my new favorite quote ever....
"Don't let the mark you leave on the world be a dent in the couch."

Please feel free to share your inspiration boards. There can't be anything more embarrassing than having Taylor Swift show up twice :-)

Disclaimer: I only had Rolling Stone magazines available for this project. I had to work with what I could find. I'm unemployed, I can't afford to go out and by copies of Vogue.

To-Do Tuesday

Starting today, I'm inaugurating Tuesday as do SOMETHING day. I'm sure you will find that my "something" may end up being relatively small and meaningless, but hey, it's better than what I do on Mondays...

Check this out: Unemployment Project - (This website hosts a lot of random so-called "unemployment projects". Basically most of them are just things to fill the void).

Okay, so that's not mine. I haven't made mine yet, but as soon as I do, I'll post a pic for you. You may wonder how this relates to unemployment... especially since the example above focuses on fashion. I'm planning on doing a job inspiration board. Pictures of things that remind me why I went to law school in the first place, why I can't stand the thought of working at Target, and things that might motivate me to get out of bed a little earlier. Maybe a better descriptive name would be an anti-depression inspiration board.

I'd love to see pics of your results. I'd especially love to see pics that involve newspaper and/or notebook paper with one picture pasted haphazardly before giving up. I know we all like to wallow in our misery together. All that matters is that you tried to be inspired.

Todays Lesson: Try to be Inspired, Then Give up: That's What the Cool Unemployed People Do