Website Wednesday: Eden is Burning and other great blogs

At some point being unemployed gets boring - that's when you find new fun things to do.  Some of the "new" and "fun" things i'm doing right now are

• trying to learn Spanish using Rosetta Stone - Have tried this before unsuccessfully
  
• the couch to 5k running plan at 6mph  (starting Week 3 today!) - Have done this before successfully, but slower. 
  
• researching (but not quite getting motivated enough to make) healthy great tasting meals...
• reading blogs - legal blogs, funny blogs, weight loss blogs, etc, etc, etc

So in honor of my new blog reading fetish, I'm going to introduce you to three of my favorite blogs (cue applause)!

Eden is Burning -  I just discovered this blog like today, literally.  Don't get disappointed by the fact that the author hasn't posted very recently.  I truly believe that if we all start following her blog (i just assumed it's a girl, maybe i should check that...) that she will return to us with time wasting and hilarious posts.  For all you purist who must relate this to unemployed THIS post says it perfectly...  " 'This [unemployment] is a trend just like any other, and, like all trends, once enough people do it it will be considered unhip again. When unemployment reaches 10% we will probably see a cultural backlash against it.'  Analysts predict that may be as early as fall of '09."  Guess that means we should be done soon, as we hit 10% in October. (no fact checking done, so don't yell at me if i'm wrong).

ExHotGirl -  If you're into once a day updates (no more, no less) then this blog is for you.  It's a healthy mix of super funny, weight loss, photography, and total randomness.  My favorite part of this blog is the ability and courage of the author to put herself completely out there.  If you read enough of this blog, you may find yourself knowing Jenn better than your own family.  Freaky.

Not For the Monosyllabic -  We've done fun (twice), and health, and now for the serious work related blog.  The author is a public defender (and lds, but that's virtually irrelevant) - she writes about her job, public perception, and random events.  I love this blog because of how much I can relate to it.  When i get a job, I hope to be THIS inspiring.  Please forgive her for liking her Snuggie.  I need reminders like this, of why I would love to be a public defender, and of how much I relate to this ....

I am surrounded each day by the cast-offs of society. My clients are homeless. They are poor beyond people's comprehension. They suffer from mental illness and they are unmedicated. They are without family, without friends, without someone to care about them. They are struggling with addiction.  My clients lack basic necessities. Letters I mail get returned because my client doesn't live there anymore--they are without a home. Phone calls are impossible because they don't have access to a phone. They don't have a ride to court. They don't have a ride to anywhere. They don't have much, if anything.

I would LOVE to hear about some blogs you love.  I have plenty of time to add them to my reading list!

To-Do: Prepare thoroughly and thoughtfully for job interviews

This is a good synopsis of how my interview went.

Regular blogging should return tomorrow. 

Guess Who's Back....

Hi.  My name is Rachael.  I have a real job interview on Friday.  Therefore, I'm lame.  And I plan on remaining lame for most of this week.  Nothing i could say right now would be interesting anyway....so I bring to you the always delightful Andy with another delightful foray into the world of guest posting!
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Stuff Unemployed People Might Appreciate, But Don’t

You’ve read and enjoyed other lists of things that unemployed people either like or dislike. All I can say about those lists is how pathetic I feel for agreeing with about 95% of the things mentioned.  I had peanut butter and jelly for lunch today, and you wouldn’t believe how much time I’ve spent thinking about what I would do for a Klondike bar. 

It seems like all good lists inspire at least a handful of more lists*, so here you have the list I was inspired to create.

There are several things that seem like perks when it comes to being unemployed/underemployed; I want to take this opportunity to introduce my list of things unemployed people are expected to like, but really don’t.

1.  7 Day Weekends – Remember when you were in school (or employed) and you looked forward to those two days of the week where you had no commitments other than to do something fun, something you’ve been waiting to do all week? Now think about how much you would have loved to make those two days last the entire week. Hmm…it’s not quite as fun as we pictured it. The two-day weekend served a higher purpose. It recharged us and gave us something to look forward to. Without those five days of build-up the weekend doesn’t really have the same effect. There is no looking forward to the days off when there are no days on. There is no reason to “thank God it’s Friday” or even to know that it is Friday. I usually forget what day of the week it is unless I read people’s facebook statuses that tell me ‘TGIF’ or “I have a case of the Mondays.” A constant stream of seven-day weekends only serves to disorient and discourage.

2.  Dressing Comfortably – Along the same lines as the 7 Day Weekend, many of the fully employed population envies the fact that we can dress however we want because we have no one to impress and no one to look professional for. We can dress comfortably every day; isn’t that great? It would be great except for the fact that every time I look down at myself to see I’m wearing pajamas (the same ones I wore yesterday), it reminds me that I have no one to impress and no one to look professional for.

3.  Talking About My Job Search – Everyone has an opinion. And I have pretty much heard all of them by now. I don’t want to be rude, but I also feel like I’ve talked to death about my search so can we move on please? As a quick disclaimer I should say that I don’t really mind talking about it with other unemployed/underemployed folks with whom I can commiserate. I also don’t mind original thoughts on the subject; they’re just so hard to come by.

4.  Encouragement – This is a tough one to write. To be completely honest, I do really need all the moral support I can get. Who doesn’t? The problem I have is that it often leads into something more like nagging and I don’t think that helps anyone.

5.  Reading Blogs About Being Unemployed – …oh wait…um…

And there you have it. Five things unemployed people might like, but don’t actually like. Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.  Do you agree? Disagree? What would be on your list?

*a principle I will discuss further if Rachael ever lets me do another guest post

Last minute Halloween Costumes

ok...so it's almost Halloween...or may already be depending on your time zone.  If you've been invited to a Halloween party and don't want to go because you don't have a costume or you just don't like dressing up in general, I have a costume idea for you.....

Your probably familiar with these stickers...

You've probably had to wear one at some dumb networking event or soiree of some sort... and you probably hate them.  Well not anymore...

Hello, My Name is Stickers are probably the best asset an unemployed person can  have come dress up time.... Consider these non-traditional costume ideas.








1.  Helllo... My Name is..... Slim Shady.   Did Marshall change anything about his look to become Eminem?  Did Eminem change anything to become Slim Shady?  I think not!  And neither should you.   Just don a "Hello, My Name is" sticker and write in "Slim Shady" and you'll be an instant hit!

2.  Hello... My Name is...   Inigo Montoya...(you killed my father, prepare to die).  Depending on your age you either think this is awesome, or completely overplayed.  Either way you're sure to be a riot in this sticker costume.

3.  Hello... My Name is... Jackson Pollock.   If you're too lazy to actually copy a Jackson Pollock masterpiece, you might as well just be the real thing this holiday season.  I promise.... you WILL be the only Jackson Pollock at your party.  Money back guarantee.

4.  Hello... My Name is...  Kate Bosworth... but only in Blue Crush.... .otherwise she's a skinny twig that no one likes....

5.  Hello... My Name is.... %$^&*## ...  that's right.  When anyone asks you about your costume, just string together a bunch of expletives and they'll get the picture. 





Basically, you can be anyone you want to be tonight.  Just write in their name on your sticker and have the time of your life!  If you do opt to stay home, remember to keep your porch light off to keep the kiddies away, if any dare to knock on your door for candy offer them a squirt of hand soap and a word of wisdom from your father... or mine, if yours never said anything interesting.

2 Days til Halloween.... Costumes for Unemployed People

If you're unemployed, you should have plenty of time over the next two days to perfect these costumes....  If you're unemployed and lazy, check out tomorrow's list for last minute costume ideas....

1.  Cardboard Box Optimus Prime - while this make take some time and effort, you could probably make it with stuff you have around your house.

2.  Stolen Toliet Paper Mummy - you wouldn't want to use any of your own toliet paper, you might need it later.  People will probably know that you stole the toliet paper b/c everyone knows you can't actually BUY one-ply that thin at the store.

3.  Adam & Eve - Great couples costume...or you could be both at the same time, but that might be weird.  Just go outside and find some leaves.

4.  Traffic Light - Red Hat, Yellow Shirt, Green Pants....check out your local salvation army or thrift store.

5.  Jackson Pollock Painting - surely you have a spare t-shirt lying around.  This could be the best costume of the season - if you're willing to copy a painting in painstaking detail that is.... 

6.  Lady Godiva - all you need is a wig.... unless you already have long hair.

7.  Your evil twin - this idea is even funnier if you actually have a twin.  All you need is a washable magic marker, or some mascara or eyeliner of your moms.

8.  Marky Mark - don't get this costume confused with dressing up as Mark Wahlberg, that would look totally different.  Everyone has jeans and a baseball cap lying around...and if you really want to you can draw on some abs.

Marky Mark isn't the only famous person that makes a quick and easy costume.  Check THIS out!  If i had to dress up to save someone's life - I think i'd go with the sexual harassment suit.

9.  The Michelin Man - Pillows and a blue scarf.  Probably the most comfortable costume you could come up with.

10.  A photograph - Dress up however you want and walk around with a picture frame.  Most dollar stores carry picture frames for $1.  Stealing is wrong - unless it's one-ply toliet paper.

To-Do and Website A Little Late...

My computer has been very very very broken.
It may still be.  I have sacrificed much to be able to bring you this very special post.....

HALLOWEEN is coming!!!!  and even unemployed people cannot hide.

Therefore, I am commanding you to embrace the wonderfulness that is halloween and have FUN!  I will not accept the excuse that you have no costume, there are plenty of cheap, easy, or cheap and easy halloween costume ideas out there on the internet.

Like "party in my pants"!  Seriously who wouldn't want to be a "party in my pants" for Halloween!!!!

Although this is my favorite, there are 12 other Halloween costumes that may get you fired, HERE.
Good thing we don't have to worry about that.  Btw, this link is probably not appropriate for children, or Mormons... or people who don't want to see someone dressed up like poop.

Ever since my friend told me about that website, I can't get enough.  If you're into cheap, check out these ideas, all made from household items.  CLICK HERE!

Come back later today, for a list of the best halloween costumes for the unemployed.  And tomorrow.  And I'll even give you a last minute list on Saturday - provided I can keep my computer working well enough. 

On a final note, I am not a hypocrite just because I don't plan on dressing up.  I'm just bad at Halloween.  If you don't believe me, check out these pics from the last few years.  Adios.

Ok fine, only one of those I actually went out in public in.  And one of them wasn't even on halloween.  But do you know which is which?

27 Reasons Unemployed People Like Birthdays

(or 27 reasons unemployed people should like birthdays, but still don't)

27. Presents
26. Surprises
25. Excuse to get ON your high horse
24. Good feelings that come from being honest when people ask you how old you are and you actually tell the truth (hey, good feelings are hard to come by!)
23. Instant Self-Esteem Boost: You can wear your burger king crown all day and not care when people laugh
22. The slight possibility of a "this is your life slideshow"
21. Excuse to not answer your phone when debt collectors call

20. Now you have some extra candles lying around for when the electricity gets turned off
19.  Craft Time:   I know you haven't been motivated to to craft lately - but who can resist the urge to preserve their birthday cupcake for all eternity...
18. Birthday's provide a whole host of new job search ideas - clown, party planner, balloon animal craftsman, caterer, and singing telegram deliverer.  
17. Maybe that video your Uncle Wally made can land you the big prize on 'America's Funniest Home Videos'.
16. Instant scapegoat. If anything bad happens today you can blame it on the fact that it was your birthday and not on yourself.
15.  You know your less of a snot than the kids on 'My Super Sweet 16', because you "chose" not to have a big party and waste a lot of money.  
14.  You get one birthday wish.  Don't waste it on something like the Led Zeppelin discography, instead wish for something practical like a new skill, extra confidence, or an end to this recession.
13. New Clothes! - well, if you can fashion them out of wrapping paper...
12. Wearing pajamas all day isn't considered lazy - it's your prerogative. 
11. Joy from knowing you share your day with exquisite famous people (for instance.. Pat Sajak and Hillary Clinton)
10.  Recycle:  all of those balloons, streamers, banners, and confetti can be reused in plenty of interesting ways.  (You can knock my balloon rain jacket all you want, but I'M gonna be the dry one next time it rains).
09.  Maybe the magician can make a money tree appear in your backyard.
08. Diet? What diet? There are TONS of restaurants that at least give you a free dessert on your birthday. Now you can spend the money you would have spent binging on food to make yourself feel better on a new video game!
07.  A reminder that you have lots of friends/family that love you and know what day it is (who cares that they also know every in and out of your business and normally make you want to pull your hair out)
06. Birthdays are a good reason to wake up in the morning...
05. The realization that another year has gone by serves as good motivation to make some "new year's" resolutions and stick to them. Like finding a job.
04. Excuse to be hungover at your job interviews
03. Excuse to take a day off from job searching
02. Parties/Drinking
01. FREE CAKE!

Breathe 4 Jobs

Anyone know how to get me in a video like this?

Website Wednesday is Lame

I'm not sure if you noticed, but there were EIGHT links in yesterday's post.  I'm a little obsessed with linking to anything and everything.  I considered not providing a link to a website for today, just to see if i could do it, but then i remembered...  There's nothing better than feeding an obsession!

Today's link comes from the wonderful world of Ehow.  I hope you're all familiar with this site, and it's friend Wikihow.  They have saved my life many times (like the time i needed to know how to make a bomb and that time I went on a mission to rid the world of unsightly deodorant stains).  Considering the wealth of information available on this site, you would think they would have some good job searching tips, right?   Wrong!  Ehow's How To Find the Perfect Job left me stunned - I followed their directions perfectly and still I am unemployed.  I was thinking of sending an email asking them to take this post down.  Maybe we can all get together and sue them for false advertising.  I'll be our lawyer!

I particularly loved this tip:  "Cruise the employee parking lots of potential employers. The theory is that if employees are driving decent cars, then the employers are paying decent wages".  Wow!  That's really helpful.  I definitely want to turn down jobs where employees are driving cars that look like mine... From now on i'm turning down any job that offers less than 75k!  (That's me ------->   being shocked by ugly cars - and having a normal color of hair!)

If anyone wants to attempt to follow's Ehow's suggestions, here's a good link to a career personality assessment.  I call this a good link because it's the first one I found that actually gave me lawyer as a result.  I'm sure as hell not willing to trust a career personality assessment that questions my dedication (i.e. 100k of student loan debt) to being an attorney!

I know I'm a little off topic - so get a job, do something, blah, yada yada yada.  That should be a good enough lessen for today.  Now for fun time! 



Even though Ehow let me down this time, I still think there is a ton of great stuff out there to keep the unemployed person busy for hours... maybe even days.  I can't wait to embark on this project:  Laptop Case.  Unfortunately, to do this I need a free (or cheap I guess) sewing machine.  I wouldn't mind if one just showed up on my doorstep tomorrow.  or the next day.  or even sometime next week would be fine.     



 Links in this post:  7

To-Do Tuesday: LEARN A NEW SPORT

As previously mentioned, unemployed people are easily depressed.  (Check out this quiz if you're concerned... Are You Suffering Unemployment Depression?).
Exercise is a great tool for dealing with depression.  Exercise increases your energy, self-esteem, distracts you, helps relieve stress, and a whole bunch of other things that are good for your mind and body.  So get up and go do something... well, not just anything... you can get the best bang for your buck by learning a new sport!  Sports can teach us a lot about working - especially extreme sports!

My suggestions:

• Free Running  - Not just awesome, but teaches you valuable skills that can help you to find a job.  It makes for great conversation during an interview, shows the interviewer that you can handle anything, are creative, and most importantly that you are active.  Leading research shows that people who appear "active" are more likely to be perceived as hard workers.  (Which means the converse - inactive people like me appear lazy to interviewers, must also be true.).  This sport will also probably make the interviewer scared of you - Big Plus!

• Jai Alai -  In the U.S., Jai Alai's achieved the most popularity in the gambling world.  Who wants to bet on greyhounds or horses when they can bet on a bunch of sweaty people playing a game that no one understands?  Employers love jai alai players because jai alai sounds really foreign.  No one wants to be accused of discriminating - so for all of you middle class suburban white kids out there... this is the sport for you!  (It's also helpful if your parents were thoughtful enough to give you a really eclectic sounding name even though you're really just average like the rest of us.). 
•  Korfball -  If you're into teamwork, Korfball is the sport for you.  While it's not played widely in the states, most corporate environments could really benefit from a team.  You can always tell an interviewer that you are great at teamwork, but it's better to show than tell.  So show them by playing Korfball!  Because an equal  number of males and females are required for this game, you'll also show that you can work well with the opposite gender (and that you are not going to have "problems" with the sexual harassment policy).  
• I don't suggest  Outhouse Racing, although i would if i could think of anything positive at all about it.
  

Play a new sport.... and get a new job.  Seems easy, right?
If you want some more fabulous interesting sport information, check out The 10 Stupidest Sports in Existence! and Weird Unusual Sports!

Woo-Hoo

Almost forgot to celebrate my one month anniversary!!!

In response to a comment, I want to reiterate that you don't need any wine to make faux-Starbucks drinks....
although you do need it for being unemployed.  That's why I have so much.

Welcome to Starbucks, what kind of overpriced coffee beverage would you like to order to jump start your employed day?

OMG!  Best website ever.  Unless you don't like anything coffee related.  In that case - worst website ever!

Great websites should be all about practicality.  Like this one.  You practically have to read this blog just to get yourself out of bed in the morning, right?  Anyway, so practically speaking, I have NO money to go to starbucks, zero, none, not even some change.  (Not that change would buy me anything at Starbucks anyway.)  Coffee isn't a luxury for only the employed, instead, for many it's a necessity of life.  How can one bear to read through the help wanted ads without a cup of something caffeinated and chocolate?  The one time I had some soda with chocolate, I died.  So coffee is the only option.  Personally, I"m a fan of Iced White Chocolate Mocha's... unless it's really cold, and then I get them smokin' hot.  So, what's your favorite Starbucks drink?  Please, do not respond if your answer has "skinny" in the name.

So, if you check out this website, you'll get a list of everything you need to make great coffee drinks at home.  If you are lazy, or can't read, or are Andy - here is a picture of the ingredients you need instead.

On the left we have the Mr. Coffee Espresso Machine (the one they mention on the website!), proudly mine for almost a year now.  Purchased from Wal-mart (whose website is temporarily unavailable or I would like to the product page in case you want to know all the specs of this nifty machine).  Please ignore all the wine in the background.  None of these recipes call for wine.   On the right we have everything you need to make a chocolatey yumness (minus the thermometer - which you only need if you can't tell the difference between hot and cold with your finger).  Again - ignore the wine.  If you can read the date on the Espresso - ignore that too.  (Does anyone know how long this stuff is good for?).


Seriously - who knew I had all the ingredients in my house right now.  This is amazing.  I might just go make a drink right now. Wait - Scratch that - I do need to sleep sometime.

But I do plan on trying some new variations in the future.  I bet I can make up a new drink that's better than anything Starbucks offers anyway.  I just have to use my imagination and actually get some use out of last year's Christmas present.  If anyone has already played the make up recipes game and has any do's or don'ts those would be appreciated too.  At this point i'm planning on avoiding this... it's not good for you.

Coffee Bean No Sugar Added Vanilla Powder.  Not cocaine.  Not worth anything.  You would probably have to pay people to take it from you.  The only thing this stuff is good for is lighting on fire.  If i get a chance, I'll take a picture of it burning for you, but I can't recreate the best part....  The smell of roasted marshmallows that hangs in the air for way too long after the NSA powder is gone, and the fog that kind of chokes you just from opening the bag.  Fun times.  Too bad I recently gave up marshmallows.  and deathly clouds of non-sugar fog.

To-Do Tuesday - Get a tattoo!

Traditional paths have not been working for me.  I am not motivated.  I don't really want to do anything, so I figured for this week I would change things up a bit.

 I just spent approximately 4 hours watching my roommate get her first tattoo.  While watching/giving her moral support, I was surprised to find that I actually felt motivated and positive about life.  Frankly, this has been a rare feeling for me lately and I desperately need motivation.  Since discovering that I can get an adrenaline rush without even being the one getting the tattoo, i need all of you to get tattoos!  (It would probably work even better if you take me with you!).  Remember - the tattooing will motivate you, too, this isn't ALL about me:-)

Obviously, I can't be the one getting the tattoo right now (no money, not very professional for job hunting, etc.).  But i'm definitely willing in the future - I just need to engage in some serious soul searching to find a design that I know I will be okay with when i'm 60.  There is one design that I really want to get... I came up with the idea in a dream.... but I have to force my dad to give me some personal information that he refuses to divulge first.  I may have to wait on that tattoo for a long while - my dad is extremely stubborn (and he probably wouldn't approve of me getting the tattoo either, so don't tell him that's why I need the information)!

Since I'm not planning on getting a tattoo today, I'll post an update on last week's To-Do for you later today.  Who knows - maybe I'll even come up with some brilliant pictures to go along with it.  You'll just have to wait and see.

Tattoos by Lexy

How being unemployed saves me money...

A friend recently pointed out to me that I have been giving unfair, and truly unneeded, attention to the negative impacts of unemployed.  My friend is right - there are plenty of near constant reminders of the perils of unemployment, so today, I'm going to talk about some positives... specifically HOW BEING UNEMPLOYED SAVES ME MONEY!!!

Everyone likes to save money. Everyone unemployed likes to save money.  Wait, that might not be true either.  Maybe - Some unemployed people like to save money (others like to spend it by maxing out all of their store credit cards with unneeded purses and sandals).

Which are nothing at all like this purse and these sandals.... 

Here are some unique ways being unemployed has saved me money...

• Back when I had a job was still in school and living largely off student loans (that I now can't repay), I used to do about one load of laundry per week.  Now I do about one load of laundry every THREE weeks.  It's easy - I wear pajama's virtually ALL the time.  Sometimes I'm lucky if I can even fill up the washer every third week.  At my local Albertson's, a 32 load bottle of All Small and Mighty (Free and Clear) is $6.49 (plus tax, but we'll ignore that).  That's approximately 20.3 cents a load!  So, by changing from a load a week to a load every three weeks, I have saved 13.53 cents a week!  That's an overwhelmingly large 1.93 cents a day!  (Indeed overwhelming when you realize that's $7.04 a year!)
• In case you wanted to know, I also save even more money on electricity and water when I cut back on laundry.  To wash and dry a full load of laundry in cold water it costs 43 cents on my electric bill. (So i save $14.91 a year!!)   Check out THIS website to see how much money you can save!
• LAUNDRY SAVINGS TOTAL/YEAR:  $21.95
  
• Further, since I'm always in pajama's and rarely leave my house, I don't need to shower nearly as often as someone in the "working class".  If i were working full time, I would be showering an absolute minimum of 5 times per week.  Lately, my weekly maximum has been 3.  A fifteen minute WARM shower costs 57 cents a day (water and electric).  (Check out Shower Calculator.)  So, I'm saving $1.14 a week by cutting out two showers.  Go me!  Save the environment, conserve water, STOP SHOWERING!  It's the GREEN thing to do!
  
• SHOWER SAVINGS TOTAL/YEAR:  $59.28   
•  GAS!  Guess what!  I don't drive to work everyday.  I never drive anywhere near downtown L.A. at any time near rush hour.  In reality, I drive so little I may have started to forget how.  I don't know how much money this saves me, it depends on how far I would be driving to work.  But I know that it's a lot.  It also saves tons of traffic jam frustration and gives me lots of time to spend on my hobbies.
• Even though I'm not saving any money on cable, internet, or rent while being unemployed, I feel like I'm getting a better value.  I use the cable and internet far more everyday than I would if I were working, and I'm actually at my apartment most all of the time.  If you calculate the cost of these items per hour of use, I'm getting a much better value on my investments than those employed people out there.  Suckers!
• Another way I save money - not having any to spend.  You'd be surprised how much money you spend purely because you have it available.  I used to buy random unneeded clothes all the time.  Or something as simple as a new toothbruth a few weeks earlier than I actually needed one.  When you have no money, you don't spend any unnecessarily.  I haven't bought an article of clothing since March!!  I didn't even buy THIS like a good band wagoner would have (even though I really really wanted it!)

I'm sure there are countless other ways that I'm saving money, but right now I would rather think about what I'm going to do with all of this money I'm saving.... I sense a shopping spree coming on!

Highlight of My Day

Finding myself on google!!!!!!!!

Sorry for the lack of posts/interestingness lately.  I haven't really been in the mood.  Unemployment is a good spawn for depression.

Website Wednesday!

 PEOPLE OF WAL-MART

BEST IDEA EVER...
What do you do when you're unemployed and can't afford cable? (or maybe you can't even afford a television, but that's doubtful.  Personally, I would give up eating on Tuesday's in order to afford a TV if i didn't have one.)

That's right... go to Wal-mart, tell the salesperson you need the remote (act like you're checking out a TV to buy if you have to), go find a chair (who cares if it's in a different department, move it!  You're creating jobs - maybe even creating one for yourself!) and start watching!

Unfortunately, TV watching at Wal-mart is the only good idea that I found on People of Walmart.

To-Do Tuesday: FIND A JOB

I know, I know, I'm usually not this serious.  But after having mac and cheese and cheerios for the dinner last night, I've decided that enough is enough.  I have got to find some sort of income producing activity.  Friends have offered me countless suggestions, like...

• "I heard you can make $1000 a month by writing a blog and updating it everyday!" - yeah, I'm sure that's true, if you write about something useful and you cater to blog readers who have money.  Unfortunately, I do neither.
• "I heard the local fast food restaurant is hiring." - Frankly, I just don't have the energy to go fight with all those laid off executives for a minimum wage job.  And I think it's morally wrong to lie and say you have less education/experience than you do.  Although I'm completely fine with lying and claiming you have more experience.  I've heard that can get you in trouble and fired after you get the job - but hey, I'd be happy just getting an interview.  I'm perfectly willing to take the chance of getting fired two weeks in.
• "Have you heard about that chain letter thingy where you give people underwear and you get like 100 pairs in the mail within a month?"  (If not, see here) - Yeah, I HAVE heard about this.  Honestly, I don't need anymore panties right now, and the local thrift store doesn't really give you much money for trading in random pairs of underwear.... not sure how you think this suggestion is going to help me.

I've finally decided that there is no scheme that will help me, so secret that will pay all of my bills, and no legitimate online work opportunities (if you're interested, I can point you to several illegitimate ones).  I have no choice but to actually do something this Tuesday.  I sincerely hope that you will follow my lead, put in some extra hard work, and continue reading my blog even after you get a job.  Here are my top suggestions for finding a job and my relative goals for today in each area....

• Network with Alumni - Get a list of alumni that live in your area (and work in your field!).  Now, here's the important part... getting the list is not good enough!  Getting the list will do nothing for you!  I have had the list for a year.  I have read it at least three times.  Nothing has happened!  Actually contact people from the list.  Email is probably best.  If email isn't provided, a letter will have to do.  Make the letter/email professional, but also personal.  Refuse to let them ignore you - even if you are the most boring person on earth, you cannot let them know that.  This is a big problem for me.  I'm all too willing to admit that I have no experience and there are tons of people better than me.  BIG MISTAKE!  

• My goal:  Send out 5 letters/emails.  Beg.
•  Contact People Doing the Job you Want - Offer to volunteer, intern, anything to get them to notice you.  For me this is essential, why not work for free for a criminal law attorney so i can learn how to do it on my own, then open my own practice and do their job better than they ever did and steal all their clients.  I'm sure it won't take more than like a day before I believe that I can do their job better than they can - I need to just go for it!
• My goal:  Contact five attorneys in Ventura/LA County that work in Criminal Law.   Ingratiate myself.
  
•  Expand your search geographically - For me this is hard, b/c driving might kill me, but it's necessary.  I'd rather be working and barely making ends meet b/c i have to stay in a hotel and use a lot of gas.  At least I'm getting some experience.  
• My goal:  Look for government jobs and craigslist stuff for all counties within 4 hours of my house.  Apply for any appropriate jobs that I find.

Hard work is bound to pay off.  No one gets something for nothing.  I really need to start taking my Dad's suggestions more seriously...
"The rich man started on Friday, the poor man waited until Monday." - Rachael's Dad
Ponder that.

Free Food

Being unemployed has made me extremely tired and extremely busy this week... so i had to get my underemployed, idea-riddled friend to write his first (and hopefully not last) guest post.  So, without further ado....HERE'S ANDY!

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If you’re anything like me you like television. And if you’re a LOT like me, you even like the commercials. I should also be able to assume that if you’re reading this blog you are no more than marginally employed, and therefore agree with everything listed here, especially the part about free food (free things in general really). 

Almost a month ago now I saw those commercials for TGIFridays starring Woody. For those of you who don’t know about this promotion (I’m talking to you people with DVR who fast forward through commercials), here is a brief explanation: Woody is a guy who made a bet with TGIFridays that he could get 500,000 fans on Facebook by September 30. He actually had that many by September 15, and has well over a million now. Because Woody won the bet, TGIFridays agreed to give a coupon for a free Jack Daniels Burger (or Chicken Sandwich) to every one of his fans. So I have been waiting for almost a month now to collect my prize…which I found in my spam filter this afternoon.

After coming down from the natural high of earning a free burger coupon valued at up to $9.49, I knew I just had to find more good deals online. So I give you, the top five best free food offers online*:

5) Dairy Queen – Join the Blizzard fan club and receive a coupon for buy one get one blizzards. Some people would tell you to get a friend to buy one and then mooch the second one, but I love blizzards so much I recommend eating them both yourself. That way you can try the blizzard of the month (pumpkin pie) and also get one of your favorite classics.

4) Qdoba – Join their eclub and receive a voucher for free Chips and Salsa.

3) Hardee's / Carl's Jr – This coupon is to promote the Hardee’s (or Carl’s Jr for you folks in Western States) ‘Get What You Deserve Campaign.’ The coupon is actually only for a free small fry to go along with your Big Hardee/Big Carl, but considering how cheap the burger itself is, it’s still a good deal. Also, from what I hear they change the offer every month or so, so you can keep checking back to see what else is available.

2) Red Robin Birthday eClub – There doesn’t look like a catch here. You just sign up with your birthday and get a burger coupon. Of course, there is an advantage for those who have a birthday coming up (you know who you are).

1) Quiznos – If you sign up for the Quiznos mailing list you can get a free Sammie. But the great thing about this is that you also get a free cookie on your birthday. So it’s two fun deals in one.

*This list is in no way an endorsement of these products. I’m writing only as a free food fan.

Website Wednesday: STFU Employed People

Today's website of choice is STFU, Parents.  It has a friend, STFU, Believers, but I'm much less entertained by that one.  So much so, in fact, that I'm not going to link to it.  If you want to visit the site that bad I'm going to force you to do the extra work of typing in the word "believers" in place of the word "parents" in the provided link.  So there!

So how is this link related to unemployment?  Technically, I find that any website not related to finding a job is correlated to me not having a job.  Correlation does not equal causation.  For instance, the fact that I look like this

 is correlated with the fact that I am unemployed, but i'm pretty sure the
florescence of my hair has not CAUSED me to be unemployed.



This post has gotten a bit of topic, if this blog were meant to be self-indulgent, I would  have at least posted a pic like the one at right, and made is significantly larger than the previous one, just to point out the fact that while I look like a moron, at least I still have pretty eyes (and have been told so in the middle of a job interview...and still didn't get the job)!  But of course I would never engage in any self-indulgent behavior like that.






Back to Business.  I bring to you, my very own creation.  I'm sure you can tell how much creativity was actually involved after viewing the Website Wednesday Link...

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STFU, Employed People

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Every single time I log on to facebook, I'm bombarded with posts from my so-called friends (and people I have never even seen or talked to who randomly add me as friends) about their jobs.  I'm sick and tired of them throwing their employment status in my face.  Like I don't have enough to deal with already.  Then they have the audacity to share all of their work related "problems", and believe me Employed People have a lot of problems... for instance

FARKLE!!!!

How can one be on facebook 7.8 hours in an 8 hour workday?  I just don't buy it.  I'm sure J spends more than .2 hours goofing off with co-workers and reapplying lipstick in the bathroom.  You need to get your facts straight, C!

  

Oh, wait... going back to work isn't a problem.  My bad!

At least some people can handle these types of issues without having to get their employers involved....

I don't know if J can handle C being offline for half the day.  He might spontaneously combust.

Never fear.... the unemployed people are still here! 

Seriously C, who needs a job when you have best friends and food stamps.  Jobs are so last year.  and even more the year before that.


For those people who are interested in indulging me, I'll post a picture of what my hair looks like now tomorrow.

To-Do Tuesday: Motivate Me

Easy.  Fun for the whole family.
In order to stay motivated, create a goal of something you want badly.  Then find/make a picture to represent this goal.  Hang it up somewhere you can see it everyday - like the fridge.  Or better yet - create multiple goals and hang them in places that will motivate you. 

If your goal is to brush your teeth everyday, print this out and hang it on your bathroom mirror.  Who could resist brushing their teeth when they see this little guy?


 I hoping to create more career oriented goals, but I'm having a lot of trouble creating an image to represent my goal:

  Maybe I can just use my calendar - once i get it made.  A calendar full of things to do isn't very inspiring - unless it's printed on colored paper!

Check out Calendars That Work for free calendar templates.  You can even have them emailed to you shortly before the beginning of each month.

 I just have one small problem with this new goal of mine... It kind of contradicts the three day job searching week.  I'm going to have to deliberate on that and figure out what to do.  Maybe I'll just black out Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday on the calendar before filling it in.

Have a good To-Do Tuesday - and seriously DO SOMETHING!  Here's a pic of my guitar paper doll from my inspiration board a couple of weeks back.  Just wanted to prove that I actually do switch out the guitars from time to time.

You Know You Haven't Hit Rock Bottom When....

I'm unemployed

But at least I can afford to buy my own cigarettes, Amy.

The Man In a Van Project

Put your belts on - This post is serious!
I found out about The Man In a Van Project when walking near Hollywood and Vine, doing the usual LA tourist things with friends who came into town.  At the time, I thought what Aaron is doing was pretty cool, but since then I've been keeping up with his blog and have gotten teary-eyed from some of the recession stories.
My friends and I all wrote our stories on the scroll, and paused to read some of the stories already written. 

I'm jealous.  I wish I didn't have so many entanglements (car payment, credit card debt, etc.).  It seems that all they do is drag me down.  I want to help people.  I'm willing to help people for free - but it seems that even volunteer work is competitive here. 

Crime is rising, Homelessness is rising, more people are unemployed... I have a skill.  I am more than willing to provide legal services to these people in need.  Why can't I find a way to do that?  Why does my story have to be..."I'm a lawyer, with 100k of student loan debt, I'm trying to do better than my parents did, but I can't survive without food stamps."

If it strikes you and you can afford it, support The Man in a Van Project - Buy a T-shirt.  I don't know this guy, but I do know that I'm a better person for reading the stories he's collecting and I want to do anything I can to allow him to continue his project  - even if giving him some unsolicited advertisement, that he will probably never know about, is all i can do.

Part III - Stuff Unemployed People Dislike

STUFF UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE DISLIKE (The Finale)

 03. Buying Condoms

With all that free time, unemployed people are probably having a lot of sex - right?  So, one would think that smart, responsible, unemployed folk out there would also be spending a lot off their hard earned babysitting or plasma-donating money on condoms - right?  WRONG! 
First, I'm unemployed, and honestly, I have never purchased any condoms during my unemployment... (which does not necessarily imply that I haven't visited CondomUSA using the name and address of every friend and family member I can think of).
Second, abortion rates have gone up (See  Is the Recession Causing More Abortions?).  Now I know this site "claims" that rates have gone up because women can't afford to raise children, but I humbly disagree. It's really because condoms are so damn expensive - and no unemployed person wants to waste money on something so overplayed.  I mean seriously - been there, done that, too embarrassed to wear the t-shirt.

Next time you see an unemployed person buying condoms at the local drug store - snap a picture and send it over.  Pics or it didn't happen!

 

02.  High School Reunions (and their cousin "People Asking What You Do For A Living)


 I still have one year, 8 months until my 10 year high school reunion and about once a week I wake up in a cold sweat.  My nightmares frequently involve being asked by the head cheerleader what my current job is and replying that I'm still living with my parents, am an attorney, and haven't been able to get a job in 3 years.  Then she pulls out her card and offers me a job as her nanny/receptionist/dog walker, etc.  
In another dream, I get an award for having changed the least.  Literally, I'm wearing an outfit I wore in high school, am covered in teenage acne, and am talking to much, too fast, in hopes of getting people to like me.   
And to think I once thought poorly of the kids who didn't go to college, and started working at local companies right out of school.  Now they've worked their way up the ladder, and i'm jealous of their health insurance, yearly vacations, and job security.     
There's only one thing worse than going to your 10 year high school reunion unemployed - and that's going unemployed and single.  I swear, I will pay someone to go as my date and lie their ass off about how we're waiting to get married until we can afford a house.  






01.  Kanye West

Unemployed people don't want to be left out just because they don't have jobs.  Jobless people can hate Kanye West, too.  It's the cool thing to do.  For once, I'm in the in-crowd!


BONUS!!
Something unemployed people do like  PINKBERRY!  Notice the smiles?  It's indisputable proof - believe me, I know all about indisputable proof, I am an attorney after all! 

 

Don't be sad, Get Glad!

I know you're probably mad at me.  I know you can't live without website Wednesday.  And I promise, I had a good website ready for you this week, alas, sloth got in the way.  As the job searching week is three whole days, one gets tired, and needs a break...
And how could any unemployed person resist Finding Britney?


As you can see, I didn't find her, but I did waste my entire day looking.  Well, I almost found her, but someone else found her first.  And it wasn't really finding her.  It was more like running into traffic without regard for your own personal safety to find a clown.  Next time when people start screaming and running, I won't continue walking in the opposite direction.

Moral:  You should only waste an entire day of the job searching week searching for an artist you actually like.

To-Do Tuesday - Literally

Today's To Do is none other than MAKE A TO-DO LIST!
 This isn't new to me at all, I made at least 4 to-do lists every week.  A lot of times, I end up copying tasks from one to-do list to another, and never actually getting them done.  This week, I'm going to try and make a to-do list that I can actually follow.

My biggest obstacle is that I don't know what to put on the list.  I don't really know what tasks I should be doing to help me with my job search.

If you like online to-do lists, check out Ta-Da List!  Otherwise, get out your handy dandy notebook and get started.   

Rachael's Unemployment To-Do List
1.  Find attorney jobs that require no experience and apply for them.
2.  Peruse random personal ads on craigslist to waste time. 
3.  Forget to look at job ads on Craigslist.
4.  Remember that forgot to look at jobs.
5.  Go back to Craigslist, look at jobs, do NOT look at personal ads
6.  Do not get on facebook while looking for jobs.
7.  Do not eat while looking for jobs, as it makes keyboard sticky.
8.  REPEAT

Okay, so i know my list sucks, I'm trying to make it better.  I would really appreciate any and all suggestions for actual to-do list items.   Preferably ones that don't involve craigslist.

Top Ten Things Unemployed People Dislike - Part Deux

STUFF UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE DISLIKE (Part Deux)

 06. "We're Hiring" Signs at Fast Food Restaurants

 I refuse to fight with teenagers for a job flipping burgers - unless it's to go undercover to get info for a lawsuit against a fast food chain.
I refuse to lie about my college degrees - unless I really need money to buy a Wii.
I refuse to acknowledge that the economy is getting better.  Fast food restaurant jobs should not be included in the stats. 
But mostly - I hate fast food "we're hiring" signs for making me feel guilty for not working.

05.  Ivy League Graduates
 I am a tolerant person.  I understand that it is difficult for you to escape your own privilege.  But please, please, understand that going to an Ivy League school does not actually make you good at anything - well except for making you feel entitled.  At least there are some ivy league grads out there who know there rightful place in the world....here's the profile of a real Ivy League Graduate...

I am a week shy of my 25th birthday, and I am back living in my parents' home. I have a degree from Harvard... Only too late have I realized that one has to get good at something (besides passing tests) to be able to make a living... I've also been so sheltered that I can't give directions to my own home... Since I've dropped out of graduate school I've made some attempts to get a job, but not wholeheartedly. I was fired from a fast-food job a couple of months ago...

Almost makes you feel sorry for them, doesn't it...  But that's because you haven't seen how this guy is dressed while he's wallowing in his own Ivy League sorrow.

If feeling entitled to all of our money, job recommendations, actual jobs, and promotions at jobs isn't enough, ivy league grads add insult to injury by opining on fashion!  Ivy League Fashion is where I draw the line.  Someone has got to step in and let those high rollers know that enough is enough.  We will not take this anymore!

For all the details on the latest trends in "Douche" check out Douche In for Fall/Winter 2009.

Finally, while statistics show that ivy league graduates make the highest salaries after graduation, apparently schools like Princeton just can't bear the thought of their grads having to make loan payments like the rest of us.  Princeton's "no-loan policy" guarantees that grads will have plenty of money for a down payment on the Fisker Karma Sunset and never have any reason to engage in public service for loan forgiveness.  Geez, those Princies are really missing out on trying to find a good loan consolidation in this market.  I'm so lucky to have nearly 100K in student loan debt and no job.  

I was going to talk about Ivy League Dating Sites, but the topic made me puke in my mouth - more than just a little bit. 

It seems that there's enough to dislike about ivy league graduates to make an entire website..

04. Unprofessionalism

 I don't have a job.  I am constantly held to ridiculous standards.  If there is one typo in your cover letter or resume, you have no shot.  If they don't think the earrings you where to the interview are appropriate, you're out of the running.  If you don't respond to the email within 15 minutes of it being sent, they've already hired someone else.  From thank you notes, to resume paper, to not wearing perfume as your interviewer may be "sensitive" - unemployed people are expected to be the epitome of professional.  

What do i get in return?  Employers promise to call, they even go so far as giving you a specific time they will call, and say they will call regardless of their decision.  Then they NEVER call.  I already have a confidence problem due to 1341 rejections, so I'm not going to take time out of my job searching day to call them to find out that they did not chose to hire me for some reason or another.  Hmm.. maybe they only give jobs to people who call.....

Or how about when you return a call, get voicemail, leave a message, and then never hear from them ever again...

Or when they send you emails with 7 spelling errors, sentence fragments, and missing information

And then they email you a retraction five minutes later, saying the job offer was actually for a different candidate.  Sorry for the confusion.

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You may have assumed I can't count.  Or that I thought that I posted number 7 on part one.  You may have even thought that something went wrong on the internet and number 7 got mysteriously deleted.  A few of you may have even went so far as to think that I was abducted by aliens and the number 7 was erased from my memory and now when I'm choreographing dances I start with "5...6...8...9".

Well you'd be wrong.  First of all, I can't dance at all, let alone choreograph anything!  Second, while the non-encrypted wireless network I'm "borrowing" right now IS sketchy, I rarely lose anything.  Finally,  I'd just like you to know that unemployed people (LIKE ME) harbor an extreme dislike for the number 7.  Seven is the number of days in every week that tick by with no job offers, Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People did not improve my life, one of the seven deadly sins - gluttony - has ruined my life. 

Seven is NOT a lucky number. Therefore, there is no number 7 on this countdown.